Tax Jokes And Quotes


8

88059355

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are
BLIND?

Quote: "Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to
the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress." -Charles
Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner


Disappointed that you never had time to write the great American
novel? Don't fret, just go dig out your past tax returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small business sent
a request to the IRS asking if they had a file on him. The IRS wrote
back, "There is now."

Quote: "It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile,
but normally cash is required."

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: "Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as
satisfying as an income tax refund."

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?
A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Quote: "The government deficit is the difference between the amount of
money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to
collect."

Why is it that when the IRS loses a tax return, it is considered a
mistake, but when you lose a receipt, it is considered tax evasion?

Quote: "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken
out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

Q: How do you humble a person that flaunts their wealth?
A: Have them fill out a tax return.

Quote: "Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know
when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr."

Q: Why is a tax audit like a tornado?
A: There's a lot of screaming and you end up losing your house.

Quote: "When are we going to be allowed to list the
government as a dependent?"

People often say death and taxes are the same, but thisis wrong. Death
is a taxable event, but taxes never die.

http://www.cncarrental.cn/html/Humor/20060929/25528.html
 
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B

Bill

(e-mail address removed) (88059355) posted:

Some smiles :)

This is just a brief note of appreciation; there are all too few things
to smile about, and any humor to be found should definitely be squeezed
out of taxes.

Bill
 
S

Stuart Bronstein

Bill said:
(e-mail address removed) (88059355) posted:

Some smiles :)

This is just a brief note of appreciation; there are all too few
things to smile about, and any humor to be found should definitely
be squeezed out of taxes.
An estate planning professor in my law school used to say that if the
only two sure things in life are death and taxes, of the two taxes are
worse because death doesn't get more burdensome every time Congress
meets.

(He also used to say that an estate planning practice is writing wills
for people and hoping they die before you do.)

Stu
 
S

s_pickle2001

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are
BLIND?
Do you realize that you may be classified blind and still have enough
vision to check the box? Or worse, even be allowed to drive? Or that
if you really cannot see, someone else can check the box for you?
 
D

Dick Adams

The best tax humor I have ever read on MTM was about
10 years about and I apologize that I do not recall
the name of the author:

"Whenever someone says 'tax simplification', I reach
under my pillow and click off the safety catch on
my Luger."

Dick
 
T

Tom Russ

The best tax humor I have ever read on MTM was about
10 years about and I apologize that I do not recall
the name of the author:

"Whenever someone says 'tax simplification', I reach
under my pillow and click off the safety catch on
my Luger."
Well, this is a variant of an original quote attributed to Hermann
Goering, relating to the word "Culture". Still not sure who adapted
it to taxation. The actual original, according to Wikipedia, seems to
come from a 1933 play:

"Variant: "When I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver."
Often attributed to Göring, who might have used such lines, these
statements are derived from those in the play Schlageter by Hanns
Johst: "Wenn ich Kultur höre ... entsichere ich meinen
Browning!" [Whenever I hear of culture... I release the safety-catch
of my Browning!] (Act 1, Scene 1) The play was first performed in
April 1933 for Hitler's birthday." <http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/
Hermann_Göring#Misattributed>

And especially for Harlan Lunsford, there's a nice piece in the New
York Times about this:
<http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?
res=9B0DE2D71139F934A2575AC0A961948260>
 
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H

Harlan Lunsford

Tom said:
Well, this is a variant of an original quote attributed to Hermann
Goering, relating to the word "Culture". Still not sure who adapted
it to taxation. The actual original, according to Wikipedia, seems to
come from a 1933 play:

"Variant: "When I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver."
Often attributed to Göring, who might have used such lines, these
statements are derived from those in the play Schlageter by Hanns
Johst: "Wenn ich Kultur höre ... entsichere ich meinen
Browning!" [Whenever I hear of culture... I release the safety-catch
of my Browning!] (Act 1, Scene 1) The play was first performed in
April 1933 for Hitler's birthday." <http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/
Hermann_Göring#Misattributed>

And especially for Harlan Lunsford, there's a nice piece in the New
York Times about this:
<http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?
res=9B0DE2D71139F934A2575AC0A961948260>
Well greetings from LA to Tom Russ, who it appears to be in Los Angeles,
maybe even Lower Los Angeles. Haven't seen your nick here before, but
you must have been reading for a while.

Interesting I think that Goering referred to a Browning rifle.
(Anybody ever carried a Browning AR in the filed?)

Thanks, I'll follow up on that link, after checking with my anti virus
software. (grin)

ChEAr$,
Harlan Lunsford, EA n LA
 

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