Cheer up time. Accounting jokes?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Lounge' started by richardsha, Mar 7, 2012.

  1. richardsha

    richardsha

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    Cheer up time. Know any good accounting jokes?
     
    richardsha, Mar 7, 2012
    #1
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  2. richardsha

    Becky Administrator

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    I'll get the ball rolling...


    How does an accountant deal with constipation?

    ...they work it out with a pencil :D
     
    Becky, Mar 8, 2012
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  3. richardsha

    Becky Administrator

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    And this isn't a joke as such, but worthy of a mention:

    Monty Python Accountancy Shanty 07 - YouTube

    Lyrics:

    LEAD PIRATE:
    Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!

    CHORUS:
    Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium.
    PIRATE:
    Scribble away!
    CHORUS:
    Up, up, up your premium.
    PIRATE:
    And balance the books.
    CHORUS:
    Up, up, up your premium.
    PIRATE:
    Scribble away!
    CHORUS:
    Up, up, up your premium.
    PIRATE:
    But manage the books.
    CHORUS:
    Up, up, up.

    PIRATES:
    It's fun to charter an accountant
    And sail the wide accountancy,
    To find, explore the funds offshore
    And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

    It can be manly in insurance.
    We'll up your premium semi-annually.
    It's all tax deductible.
    We're fairly incorruptible,
    We're sailing on the wide accountancy!

    LEAD PIRATE:
    Oh, this is fun, Mr. Cohen!
    PIRATE:
    Sail away!...
    CHORUS:
    Up, up, up...
     
    Becky, Mar 8, 2012
    #3
  4. richardsha

    zianne

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    :):):) ^ nice one mate!
     
    zianne, Jul 14, 2012
    #4
  5. richardsha

    Cheaper Accountant

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    Your first joke made me laugh, thanks Becky :)
     
    Cheaper Accountant, Jul 17, 2012
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    Becky likes this.
  6. richardsha

    GoodAccountants

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    Accountant Learns the Truth About Game Theory

    There was an expert accountant who was well versed in game theory. He heard that his intelligent niece, who was five years old, always took a 50p piece, when a choice between a 50p piece and a pound coin was offered to her.

    He went to see his niece and offered her just such a choice. She took the 50p and said

    "Thank you Uncle".

    The accountant tried to explain to his niece

    "You must understand, a pound coin is twice as valuable as a 50p piece, so you should always choose the pound coin."

    The niece replied

    "Uncle, but then people will not offer me any money."

    :D
     
    GoodAccountants, Aug 3, 2012
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    Ashe Skyler, Nora, Wallis002 and 3 others like this.
  7. richardsha

    terone71

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    Now this was funny! Love to see more of this!
     
    terone71, Aug 13, 2012
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  8. richardsha

    hephaestus

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    The above joke was rendered as a very entertaining TV commercial about a year ago: h t t p : / / vimeo.com/21474336

    You'll have to copy and paste the URL -- I don't have a high enough post count for the forum to accept the link directly. But trust me, it's worth your time... :)

    M
     
    hephaestus, Oct 11, 2012
    #8
  9. richardsha

    LorichBrain

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    Really funny ... :)
     
    LorichBrain, Feb 22, 2013
    #9
  10. richardsha

    Michael Myers

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    First Accountant

    Joke: Who was the first accountant?

    Adam - first guy to turn a leaf and make an entry
     
    Michael Myers, Mar 8, 2013
    #10
  11. richardsha

    MichaelM123

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    What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
    Depreciation.
     
    MichaelM123, Mar 11, 2013
    #11
  12. richardsha

    CoolGuyGeofry

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    My wife absolutely cracked up at this!
     
    CoolGuyGeofry, May 4, 2013
    #12
  13. richardsha

    azizalisp

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    In which head of account you will write the expenses incurred for the funeral of the Chairman.

    >>>>>>
    Packing & Forwarding Expenses
     
    azizalisp, May 20, 2013
    #13
    Ashe Skyler likes this.
  14. richardsha

    Nora

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    It's nice to have some funny accounting jokes. I got some from another site (nococpas.com/accountingjokes.php).

    Accountant Joke 12
    Q: What is a Budget?
    A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
     
    Nora, Aug 13, 2013
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  15. richardsha

    Nora

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    A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.

    At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

    "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."
     
    Nora, Aug 13, 2013
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  16. richardsha

    Nora

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    An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man.

    "Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor.

    The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"
     
    Nora, Aug 13, 2013
    #16
  17. richardsha

    FrankDrake

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    :D i notice a very nice joke here.Love it thanks for that laugh.
     
    FrankDrake, Aug 22, 2013
    #17
  18. richardsha

    Taxgatherer

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    How many accountants do you need to change a light-bulb?

    Two. One to change the light-bulb and the other to check if it is within budget. :D
     
    Taxgatherer, Jan 13, 2014
    #18
  19. richardsha

    Taxgatherer

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    Two accountants are in a bar when armed robbers burst in. The robbers line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. The first accountant slips something in the second accountant's hand and whispers, ‘Here's that 50 bill I owe you.'
     
    Taxgatherer, Jan 13, 2014
    #19
  20. richardsha

    Taxgatherer

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    A classic:

    A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

    He got the job.
     
    Taxgatherer, Jan 13, 2014
    #20
    Ashe Skyler likes this.
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