Cheer up time. Accounting jokes?


Becky

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I'll get the ball rolling...


How does an accountant deal with constipation?

...they work it out with a pencil :D
 
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Becky

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And this isn't a joke as such, but worthy of a mention:

Monty Python Accountancy Shanty 07 - YouTube

Lyrics:

LEAD PIRATE:
Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!

CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
And balance the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
But manage the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up.

PIRATES:
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!

LEAD PIRATE:
Oh, this is fun, Mr. Cohen!
PIRATE:
Sail away!...
CHORUS:
Up, up, up...
 
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Accountant Learns the Truth About Game Theory

There was an expert accountant who was well versed in game theory. He heard that his intelligent niece, who was five years old, always took a 50p piece, when a choice between a 50p piece and a pound coin was offered to her.

He went to see his niece and offered her just such a choice. She took the 50p and said

"Thank you Uncle".

The accountant tried to explain to his niece

"You must understand, a pound coin is twice as valuable as a 50p piece, so you should always choose the pound coin."

The niece replied

"Uncle, but then people will not offer me any money."

:D
 
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There was an expert accountant who was well versed in game theory. He heard that his intelligent niece, who was five years old, always took a 50p piece, when a choice between a 50p piece and a pound coin was offered to her.

He went to see his niece and offered her just such a choice. She took the 50p and said

"Thank you Uncle".

The accountant tried to explain to his niece

"You must understand, a pound coin is twice as valuable as a 50p piece, so you should always choose the pound coin."

The niece replied

"Uncle, but then people will not offer me any money."

:D
Now this was funny! Love to see more of this!
 
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... always took a 50p piece, when a choice between a 50p piece and a pound coin was offered to her...
The above joke was rendered as a very entertaining TV commercial about a year ago: h t t p : / / vimeo.com/21474336

You'll have to copy and paste the URL -- I don't have a high enough post count for the forum to accept the link directly. But trust me, it's worth your time... :)

M
 
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First Accountant

Joke: Who was the first accountant?

Adam - first guy to turn a leaf and make an entry
 
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Marry An Accountant

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."

The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
My wife absolutely cracked up at this!
 
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In which head of account you will write the expenses incurred for the funeral of the Chairman.

>>>>>>
Packing & Forwarding Expenses
 
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It's nice to have some funny accounting jokes. I got some from another site (nococpas.com/accountingjokes.php).

Accountant Joke 12
Q: What is a Budget?
A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
 
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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."
 
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man.

"Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor.

The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"
 
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How many accountants do you need to change a light-bulb?

Two. One to change the light-bulb and the other to check if it is within budget. :D
 
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Two accountants are in a bar when armed robbers burst in. The robbers line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. The first accountant slips something in the second accountant's hand and whispers, ‘Here's that 50 bill I owe you.'
 
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A classic:

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

He got the job.
 

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